So what else am I going to do when house-sitting for my S.O.S (sort-of-sister) apart from feeding the cat with the bottomless stomach and freeing the bunneh who seems relatively indifferent to his new-found extension of space..?
Yes. That’s right. Halloween baby. 48 hours and counting. This must mean it’s time to carve our gourds a new face.
Prudie’s fool-proof nine-stage plan for the carving of one possibly copyright infringing scary-ass Jack Skellington Jack O ‘Lantern.
1) Name your pumpkin. (Best to buy it first so you don’t form unnecessary attachments to gourds which are shortly to become somebody else’s property).
2) After taking your pumpkin home to meet your Mum, take a sharp knife, and carefully gut the bastard.
3) Divide his/her remains into:
a) A pile of edible goodness to be used in some culinary act of genius.
b) Watery cobbywebby crap which is no good to man nor beast but gets the compost bin very excited.
c) A pile of tasty seedy goodness ready for a good roasting at a later date.
4) Poke out his eyes. In a sort of funky side-ways tear drop shape.
5) Let the bugger breathe.
6) Give him a smile (“WHY SO SERIOUSSSSSS????”) In Jack’s case, go for a long, thin upwardly curling strip punctuated by equally segmented teeny oblongs for his stitchy smile.
7) Return his hat.
8) Give him heartburn with a tea-light.
9) Dance naked under a full moon with the pumpkin on your head. This stage is optional.
Voila! A Halloween Jack O’Lantern that vaguely resembles a dearly loved/feared/hated fictional skellington man.
When making the first stabs at your pumpkin, continue the ‘hat’ down into an oblong which goes into the back of his head (this makes it easier to remove his flesh, seeds and soggy cobwebby crap).
Also, after you’ve carved the eye-sockets, carve diagonally from the outside-in to allow more light to escape without compromising the shape of the eyes.
That’s it! Have fun, be safe, and if I don’t see you before, happy Halloween! X